The 75th Academy Awards #1

1. A montage of every movie cliche' dialogue line from the last 75 years, filtered through Adobe Premiere and projected onto gems falling past a bigass Oscar.

2. It seems to me they're a little desperate to stress just exactly how many stars are present.

3. Steve Martin's getting off some decent one-liners. DUDE HE USED THE NOLTE DRUNK PICTURE!

4. That dude from the Black Crowes looks like a hitchhiker I once picked up. He had shrimp shells in his beard. The hitchhiker, I mean. I don't know what Chris Robinson had for dinner.

5. Spirited Away wins Best Animated Film. Haven't seen it. I hear it was a close vote between that and Treasure Planet.

6. Lord Of The Rings wins Best Visual Effects by creating a CGI rendition of my Grandfather on his 93rd birthday Gollum.