The 75th Academy Awards #5

1. Paul Simon is beginning to look a little like former New York Mayor Ed Koch. It's really weird to watch a dude wearing an African robe rocking out on the guitar.

2. Nia Whatever from the movie My Big Fat Overexposure presents Best Makeup to Frida, for not shaving a gap in Salma Hayek's own natural monobrow.

3. Sean Connery, dressed in a hand-me-down costume from The Pirates Of Penzance, presents Best Supporting Actress. Catherine Zeta Jones wins, and they turn the volume back up on 'All That Jazz'. I guess I ought to watch that movie sometime - but I will turn the volume down when they sing 'All That Jazz' because I now hate it with every fiber of my being. Wasn't Chicago a fucking MUSICAL? Like, with more than ONE SONG?!!? THEN PLAY ANOTHER SONG FROM IT YOU MORONS.