The 75th Academy Awards #6

Fuck it, I'm just riffing now.

1. Matthew McConaughey intros the Gangs Of New York clip. He is SO stoned. You could tell he wanted to bang on that podium like a bongo.

2. Kate Hudson OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER MY LETTERS THEY ARE WRITTEN IN MY OWN BLOOD THAT IS HOW MUCH I CARE.

3. Puddin' Zellwegger presents the Oscar for Best Original Score to Frida, and if the music they played while that guy was walking to the stage is any indication, the dudes down at the Mexican Restaurant I frequent could rock his ass away.

4. I can't watch Julie Andrews anymore without seeing her flop her titties out in that scene from S.O.B.

5. Watching the clips from the past Oscar shows. Hollywood got dull when everyone stopped binge-drinking and snorting coke before they went in front of the cameras.