Podcasting: Now the Whole World Can Hear You Mouthbreathe

So we're trying to do a freakStomp podcast.

I went out and bought a book, Podcasting For Dummies, which ought to have the words WHY DID YOU BUY THIS $16 BOOK WHEN ALL THIS INFORMATION IS AVAILABLE FREE ON THE INTERNET YOU F*CKTARD at the top of every page next to the page number.

I also bought the cheapest USB headset I could find, for the most passable sound quality I could get without spending any actual money.

I also downloaded the freeware program Audacity for sound editing.

I also scoured every "How-to Podcast" site I could find for information.

The one thing I forgot to buy or download during all this was some KNOW WHAT THE F*CK YOU'RE DOING.

I post on this video game message board, the only board I really ever post on regularly. It's a small community, friendly, not much douchebaggery to speak of. They'd been talking about making a podcast off and on for a while now. So I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone: I could set up a podcast with some of the forum members, and that would allow me to practice recording and editing so I'd be tech hip when we got around to recording the freakStomp podcast, and it would also give the video game guys the podcast they desired.

Simple. Ha. Ha.

A couple of people suggested I look into something called Ventrilo, which is a chat program people use while playing PC video games (most games do not support in-game voice chat). I wanted to use Skype, since it's simple, but everyone said Skype sucks, so I ruled it out.

I set up this "ready to go" ventrilo server through an online service for $32 for the entire year, ten "talk slots" available at once. That means ten people could conference chat at one time.

I figured I'd just set up Ventrilo and record a chat session for editing practice.

Simple. Ha. Ha.

The first thing I found out is that Audacity can't record from two sources at once. It would only record from my mic, or what I was hearing through my headset, but never both at the same time. I'd need a second sound card to do that. Ventrilo has a built-in recording function, but it saves the recorded chat session as something called a "VRF" file, and there are no file converters for that format. So I had to take that VRF file, play it back, and record it in Audacity while it was playing. Basically, I had to record the session twice.

There were other problems. The sound was a bit laggy, so there was a lot of overlap. Some of the people were using desk mics, and those hiss and pop and generally sound like sh!t. A USB headset is a must, because mine came through crystal clear according to everyone listening. USB = Digital, therefore no analog hiss.

Then I somehow messed up my settings in Audacity and couldn't record anything but my mic no matter what I did. So I spent most of early Sunday trying to figure out what I had screwed up and fix that.

Then I checked into some of the podcast message boards, and found out that most people use Skype to record conference calls. Which is what I wanted to use to begin with, but everyone had said Skype sucks, and I had made the mistake of listening to everyone. The Video Game Show (a podcast I regularly listen to) uses Skype, and it sounds all right to me. There are a ton of easy-to-use programs out there to record Skype calls.

The other alternative? Well, everyone would have to download Audacity, record their end of the conversation through their mics as we chatted on Ventrilo, and then send me the files afterwards, where I would have to mix and sync five or more separate vocal tracks together. Which would take me approximately two years to do.

F*ck. A. Bunch. Of. That. Noise.

So we'll have to go with Skype, and will probably have to settle for sound quality that isn't anywhere near studio-level. And I paid for a ventrilo server that will just sit there, unless we turn it into some sort of free freakStomp chat room for our friends. Since there's only two of us doing the freakStomp podcast, I could maybe do the mixing for two recorded vocal tracks, but I don't think I could handle any more than that.

Unless someone out there knows a better way to do it which doesn't involve actual money, and can clue me in.

I need to reiterate how completely worthless Podcasting for Dummies is if you're doing a cast with more than one person. Save your money if that's the case.